Mostly, I’m thrilled we’re moving to New York. Mostly, I can’t wait to start this exciting new chapter. But I’m also a little bit afraid.
When Rich and I saw our aikido sensei for lunch they other day, I likened moving to New York to that time Rich and I went skydiving and jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.
“I’m Air Force,” she said. “And I want to know why you jumped out of a perfectly good airplane too.”
“Because I had to,” I replied. “No other answer than that.”
I feel like this move is at least a little like skydiving. Skydiving isn’t a dumb thing to do. Thousands of people skydive all the time and love it. And I did it and loved it. But there is a certain relinquishing of control that accompanies jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. That same letting go applies to this move. I have to let go and trust that the life I dream of will be one we can forge once we get there.
Our life here in Greenbelt is safe. And I’m betting I could keep doing it this way for the rest of my life and be fine. But I would always feel like there was something missing. I would always think that I’d missed out on something vital and crucial to who I am. I would always feel like I missed that last chance to take a leap of faith into my grand adventure.
I’ve been thinking this might be some sort of mid-life crisis. It’s not. And I don’t even think a mid-life crisis is a crisis. I think you get to a point in your life where you take stock of what you’ve achieved and what you haven’t achieved. And then you have to decide what you live with not having done. But those things you can’t live without having done? You’ve got to go do them.
New York will be hard work. It will also be something I’ve wanted since the the first time I saw this amazing city. When we immigrated to the USA, we came first to New York. When my family’s plane approached JFK airport, I saw the skyline and I fell head over heels. I promised myself then that I would live there someday. I had no idea of the city’s cultural or artistic significance (or what it would mean to me personally). It drew me like a siren’s call. That was 45 years ago, and I’m finally going to answer.
What is your “perfectly good airplane?” What do you dream of doing? Comment below and lef me know.
Leave a Reply