Ah, the day I’ve been dreading. It will be full of administrative work. Type this into the database. Enter that into the file and make PDFs. Oh and then read 130 pages of dry dry dry RFP to see if I can help with the thing I’ve been asked to help with. And then, more administrative work (billing). This is the price I will pay for my fab day off yesterday.
I’m trying to be all zen about it and just do the work, and maintain a mindful aspect of awareness of the present moment, but you know what? Poppycock! I’m just not good at that stuff. And so rather than getting all zen and mindful (like Thich Nhat Hahn when he was doing dishes in his fab book, “Being Peace”), I end up a ball of stressed nerves. I can be good at lots of other stuff, right? I don’t have to be good at everything, right? Right. 🙂
I recognize that I’m having trouble because it is a big challenge for me to read off lists and see what I’ve done and what I haven’t done and then not miss any portions of the things I’m supposed to have done. It’s a thing. It’s always been a thing. It’s such a thing that I try never to count my own money. I get mu husband to do it because a, he loves it, and b, it eases my stress levels. Me? I have to count it five times in order to get to a certainty that I have the right amount. You know why? Because, easily, the first three times, I’ll get different sums after each counting.
Please, never try to make me be responsible for numbers or for making sure things add up in the end. It will explode, implode and otherwise ‘plode if I have anything to do with it.
I remember when I was a kid, they always made me Treasurer of organizations. “She’s smart. She’s good in math. Let’s make her responsible for the accounting.” ARGHGGHGH. I have never balanced a ledger properly in my life. Sure, I can teach arithmetic (and have). Sure, I can even teach calculus (and have). But if you ask me to do any sort of bookkeeping or to keep track of which thing has passed by me (like which names I’ve entered and which names I haven’t), I will run, screaming for the trees.
My takeaway from this is that I ought to focus on what I am good at rather than trying to do what I’m not particularly good at. Rich doesn’t quite get why it’s so tough for me because it’s not at all tough for him. But we all have different strengths, and in my opinion that is to be celebrated. While I’m not good at counting, I’m pretty darn good at reading tarot, or singing, or playing guitar, or teaching kids science, or officiating weddings, or writing books, or making movies. Trouble is that until the day comes when I can hire a full time accountant to take care of all the numbers stuff for me, I still need to be good enough to enter things into their appropriate slots on quickbooks (or quicken or whatever) and to fill out and do my taxes properly every year. So, my mission is clear: “Become successful enough so that you can hire your own accountant or buy your own tropical island, whichever comes first.” Either way, I will be much more relaxed.