You’d Better Look Me In The Eye When You Say That? Not Always.

Welcome to today’s Physical Talks.

Why do we sometimes look off into space during our conversations? Hint: It’s to improve those communication moments. See more below.

Some people say that someone who won’t look you in the eye must be lying. That’s not necessarily true. There are a lot of other possibilities.

Ever been caught in a daydream where you seem like you are looking at someone but you are kind of looking through them? You weren’t looking at them at all. You were just staring into space.

Ever wonder why you do that? Why we all do that?

At that moment, you might be embarrassed but really all that is happening is you’ve given the driving over to your subconscious for a bit. Your conscious mind is taking a little break so your subconscious can figure something out for you or give you additional information.

I do this often. In my work and during regular conversations, I am asked a lot of questions. I don’t always know the answer right away. I might if I thought about it, but in the moment, consciously, I don’t know. However, I believe our subconscious minds know and remember everything we have ever thought, learned, or dreamed. So, if I ask my subconscious for the answer, I’ll get it in a tick. However, I need a wee bit of downtime for the answer to bubble up. I think we all do. So, if I am in conversation with someone who has just asked me one of those, “go as your subconscious for the answer,” types of questions, I need to let my subconscious do its thing. f I keep looking at the person in that moment, then I have to stay consciously connected to them. I need to see them and be with them right there and right then. But if I take a few seconds and look away, I can process what I need to process and then return more prepared to continue our interaction.

If I keep looking at the person in that moment, then I have to stay consciously connected to them because that is an essential part of conscious communication. I need to see them and be with them right there and right then. But if I take a few seconds and look away and go into that daydream state, I can process what I need to process and then return more prepared to continue our interaction (likely with the answer in tow).

In some cultures, looking someone in the eye is considered a challenge of sorts. And in others, it is mostly reserved as an interaction for close friends or other intimates.

What is another reason? The person might be shy or reserved.

And what can we do if we are on the receiving end of someone who is looking away during a conversation? First, we need to figure out why they are doing it. If they are processing, the best thing we can do is give them their space to do it knowing that they will return more refreshed and more ready to engage with us in the present moment. If they are shy, there are things we can do to put them at ease. And we’re going to talk more about that next time.

What do you think about this? Do you sometimes stare off into space? How do you react when you are in conversation with someone who is doing it? What are your thoughts?

Drop a comment and let me know.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s