The “Intercourse” of Communication and How to do it Right

Here’s a question that I’ve been pondering recently. How is communication just like intercourse? I know, right? But bear with me. Here’s the thing about this. Communication is a give-and-take some, but sometimes one person gets a little bit more and sometimes the other person gets a little bit more. Hopefully, in the end, you both leave the interaction satisfied. And there’s such a thing as communication foreplay and communication pillow talk. Again, bear with me. If the substance of the interaction is the “sex,” then the foreplay is the get-to-know-you part. It’s the part where you are introducing yourself, where you are perhaps bringing value to the other person.

That’s the foreplay.

And the pillow-talk, the stuff that comes at the end, is the dénoument if you will. It’s the part where you thank the person for having communicated with you, for having interacted with you. You now have a more intimate connection than you had before. The thank-you note is an excellent example of pillow talk.

But let me talk a bit more about the foreplay, though. You’ll hear a lot of social media gurus talk about adding value. They all say to bring value to the other person first so that they’ll be more likely to help you out more likely to engage with you. They will more likely want to be part of your world.

Well, you don’t come in and say “okay let’s hop to it!” You come in and engage in some of that initial connection. You want that initial connection so that you have something to build on, so that the substance of the communication, the substance of the relationship, the ups and downs, the hills and valleys will ebb and flow from and to each of you. In any interaction, sometimes one person gets more out of it and sometimes the other person gets more out of it. But on the whole, it is full of reciprocity. Ideally, everybody leaves the interaction happy.

The Importance of “Communication Foreplay”

So, I can’t over-stress the importance of communication foreplay and communication pillow talk during communication intercourse. They are just as important as the heart of the matter because if you don’t start out right the whole “intercourse” ends up being a little tainted. And you don’t want to taint it. You want it to be something that is full and wonderful and satisfying for everybody involved.

And remember. The pillow talk is when you put the punctuation mark on the entire interaction, and it lets you maintain the connection for the next time you’ll be able to engage in this entire process. So, bear in mind that the heart of the matter, the substance of the communication, is only one part. There are three. We want to have the foreplay, the heart of the matter, and the pillow-talk. If you get all three of them together and deploy each authentically and with integrity, all of your communication interactions will be successful ones.

I discuss this in greater detail in my new book, Speak From Within.