“What is your ultimate goal?”

Lately, I’ve been asking my clients the ultimate goal question. I ask it because they have issues with people, friends, loved ones, jobs, etc. And they don’t know how to proceed. To help them formulate a plan of action, we have to figure out what they want. They need to know their ideal resolution to the problem, question, or issue.

The reason we often feel paralyzed by a situation is that we haven’t identified our ultimate goal or result from that situation. Once we do identify our goal, we can get going because from then on we’ll color every action with our focus on the goal. Until then, we flounder in uncertainty and fear.

Here’s an example. A client asked what she should do about her job. She loves the work. She can’t seem to get along with her boss. I asked her to define her ultimate goal. “Is your goal to do the work? To please your boss? To get along with your coworkers?”

Once she figured out that it was the work she loved and that she could do the same work elsewhere, we made a plan for her to look for other jobs that will allow her to do the same work in an environment where she will feel valued and where she will thrive.

This might sound counterproductive

Does that sound counterproductive to you? Do you feel like your first goal is to help people figure out a way to stay where they are? If so, why do you think that is? Is it possible that sometimes the best way you can help your colleague is to steer them in a different direction? They’ll be better in a different situation. Your company will be better too. That’s because you’ll build a team where people really want to be there and will do their best work because of that.

And you can use this idea in your own life, too. If you feel like you aren’t making progress, stop and ask yourself what you really want out of the situation. It might take some thinking, but you’ll figure it out. Once you have an answer, focus on it. And then, compare your every step to the goal. See how what you’re about to do aligns with that goal. If it doesn’t stop and re-orient yourself. If it does, get going. As you practice doing this goal check-in, it will get easier and go faster. And someday, it will be second-nature.

In fact, it might go something like this: “Does what I’m about to do align with my goal? It doesn’t, then that’s not the right way to go. It does? Excellent. Let’s get going!”